Walk, Don't Run

Runners and running culture are a blight upon the face of the Earth. Do not let running destroy your life as it has destroyed so many others before.

The Most Important Election Ever!!

Remember, Remember the fifth of November!

November fifth has come and gone and with it election day in the United States. The after shocks of the election are already being felt with mourners dressed in the finest blacks piling up in the streets in droves. Their sobs can be heard thousands of miles away crying out in emotional pain over the loss of their dear candidates. Some of the more fervent supporters have seen the true gloom and lost all hope. They have warmly embraced Doom and Gloom by lighting themselves on fire to protest their tragic loss.

Those not completely destroyed both physically and emotionally by this latest election will have to survive another year where their end will finally come. Eventually there will only be one left to rule them all. All being what is left of the world after the horrendous elections take their toll on the surviving animals of Planet Earth.

May the Odds be Ever in Your Favor! The Elections are yours to lose!

Stay Safe and Trust No One!

Asteroid Armageddon

The great and world-saving body of the United Nations has spawned forth the International Asteroid Warning Group (IAWG). The supreme intellects at the UN have devised a 3 step plan to prevent the destruction of the planet!

First they intend to get the world prepared because as Rusty Schweickar, member of the Association of Space Explorers (ASE), explained "No government in the world today has explicitly assigned the responsibility for planetary protection to any of its agencies." Thus the United Nations is prepared to do this for all governments of the world!

The second bright idea the folks at the United Nations have thought up is actually finding the asteroids before they come crashing to Earth sending us all into oblivion! In order to discover the asteroids the International Asteroid Warning Group comes equipped with the Sentinel Space Telescope.

The asteroid-locating telescope comes courtesy of former NASA astronaut and founder of the B612 Foundation Ed Lu. In order to sell his giant telescope Lu ramped up the fear, pontificating, "There are 100 times more asteroids out there than we have found...there are about one million asteroids large enough to destroy New York City or larger."

Now what is a telescope finding the asteroids going to do about saving the planet from the pebbles of the Gods? Enter Part 3 of the magnificent Save Humanity from the Asteroids Plan! The IAWG will inform the U.N. Committee on the Peaceful Uses of Outer Space know humanity is about to go the way of the T-Rex. The committee's goal will be to attempt to coordinate international intervention to prevent all out destruction.

We here at Doom and Gloom wish the dutifully astute idiots at the United Nations good luck with preventing Asteroid Armageddon. What little hope there is will rest with the Texas deep core drillers led by Harry Stamper.

Stay Safe and Trust No One!!