Masters of the Deep Return!

They have been lurking in the deep, biding their time, just waiting for the opportune moment to strike. And the time is almost at hand.

They have begun scouting missions closer to the surface, gathering intelligence on these creatures who attempt to tame both land and sea. Soon those who believe to have master of their domain will be taught a lesson in finality. Their pleasurable strolls through the fine sand, their weak attempts at fortification, and their nonchalant splashing will become haunted visions of death and despair.

Their fortifications will run red with the blood, the fine sand will turn fleshy as leftover fat mixes in, and the sounds of splashing will be silenced by the roars of the true masters of the deep.

The sharks have returned to reclaim what is rightfully theirs and you will be their first victim.

Stay Safe and Trust No One!

Especially hammerhead sharks!

Medusa Resurrected

Photographer Nick Brandt just recently returned from a trip to Lake Natron in Northern Tanzania, where he captured images of calcified animals that had washed up on the shoreline.  Brandt believes the lake has a high soda and salt content as well as pH levels ranging from 9 to 10.5, which facilitated the calcification of the animals.

This is a decent hypothesis for one ignorant of ancient Greek mythology! The true cause for the calcification of these animals can only be caused by one of the most hideous and seductive creatures known to exist. The gorgon, Medusa.

She has returned despite having her head summarily chopped off by Perseus.  Returning to the land of the living unveils potentially new powers for the once-mortal gorgon.  Her powers could be limitless and thus her threat to humanity an even greater risk than ever, especially without demi-gods to save us!

Medusa has left her warnings for curious photographers like Nick Brandt to not approach any further or risk permanent petrification and an eternity in a gray oblivion.

Swiss Monster Terrorizes Town

The ghostly and fleeting creature known as 'Le Loyon' to locals has been captured on camera and the above photo was published on the Swiss news website Le Matin. Le Loyon has been scaring the locals around the town of Maules. Marianne Descloux, a resident of the town, describes the creature having "a cap, dark cloak and gas mask."

The monstrosity has marked his territory in the forest around Maules much like Big Foot has claimed Jack Link's Beef Jerky and the Abominable Snowman claimed the Island of Misfit Toys.

The forest use to be a place where families would go frolicking about enjoying their time, but now the place has become tainted with fear. Le Loyon has awakened from a deep slumber and he does not treat trespassers kindly.

He has stared down a mother with her children until they fled  maniacally screaming their little heads off. The photographer reported he stared into the very depths of his soul hungrily searching for anything to consume, upon finding absolute emptiness he pivoted and returned to the depths of the forest.

The terror of the town of Maules has begun.

Running with the Bulls? More like Culling the Fools!

El encierro has arrived state-side!  That's correct the running of the bulls usually found in the Spanish city of Pamplona and popularized in Ernest Hemingway's The Sun Also Rises, has managed to cross the Atlantic. The event will be held across the country on various dates from October to December to May completely forgoing and destroying the celebration of San Fermin which typically occurs between July 7th and 14th.

Forsaking the city's first bishop is the lesser of the crimes committed by the foul organizers of the event. The real crime involves their attempt to decimate the human population by marketing the event as fun and thrilling! They use the slogan Grab Life by the Horns, but the only life grabbed by the horns will be the one being slowly drained as a 1,000 lb bull spears you with his horn slowly letting life drip off his horns as he looks for his next willing victim.

If this event is allowed to continue and prosper the human race will face dire consequences!  The masterminds behind the event will reveal themselves and the supposed fictional race of the Minotaurs will rise up from the labyrinths in which they have been imprisoned to reign chaos and death upon those left surviving.

BunyonCare

The Minnesota government has gone insane!!  They are slandering the man, the myth, the legend Paul Bunyon and his trusty friend Babe the Blue Ox.  These cretins also known as bureaucrats are dressing up the rugged and healthy Paul Bunyon in bandages and putting his leg in a cast!  This is an absolute outrage!! Next these fools will be having Bunyon swinging his axe and hitting himself in order for them to get Minnesotans to register for the Obamacare health exchanges!

Unfortunately for the Minnesota bureaucrats and their $9 million ad buy, slandering Mr. Bunyon and Babe will have enormous consequences.  The man who created the Great Lakes so Babe would have a place to drink can just as easily fill them back in with his extraordinary lumbering skills.  Bunyon is an expert with his axe and not only chopping wood.  Whispers tell of his legendary prowess at chopping down the British, not to mention he has a 4700 lb giant ox for a friend that when whipped into a frenzy could flatten the Twin Cities in one charge.

Minnesotans better watch out because they have awoken the wrath of a sleeping giant!