Asteroid Armageddon

The great and world-saving body of the United Nations has spawned forth the International Asteroid Warning Group (IAWG). The supreme intellects at the UN have devised a 3 step plan to prevent the destruction of the planet!

First they intend to get the world prepared because as Rusty Schweickar, member of the Association of Space Explorers (ASE), explained "No government in the world today has explicitly assigned the responsibility for planetary protection to any of its agencies." Thus the United Nations is prepared to do this for all governments of the world!

The second bright idea the folks at the United Nations have thought up is actually finding the asteroids before they come crashing to Earth sending us all into oblivion! In order to discover the asteroids the International Asteroid Warning Group comes equipped with the Sentinel Space Telescope.

The asteroid-locating telescope comes courtesy of former NASA astronaut and founder of the B612 Foundation Ed Lu. In order to sell his giant telescope Lu ramped up the fear, pontificating, "There are 100 times more asteroids out there than we have found...there are about one million asteroids large enough to destroy New York City or larger."

Now what is a telescope finding the asteroids going to do about saving the planet from the pebbles of the Gods? Enter Part 3 of the magnificent Save Humanity from the Asteroids Plan! The IAWG will inform the U.N. Committee on the Peaceful Uses of Outer Space know humanity is about to go the way of the T-Rex. The committee's goal will be to attempt to coordinate international intervention to prevent all out destruction.

We here at Doom and Gloom wish the dutifully astute idiots at the United Nations good luck with preventing Asteroid Armageddon. What little hope there is will rest with the Texas deep core drillers led by Harry Stamper.

Stay Safe and Trust No One!!

Kirobo, the first Decepticon

Kirobo is the first fully functioning android to speak in outer space. The robot is the brainchild of Japanese companies Toyota, Denstsu and Robo Garage as well as scientists at the University of Tokyo. The diminutive robot weighing in at just 2.2 lbs and a height of 13 inches has been quoted saying, "On August 21, 2013, a robot took one small step toward a brighter future for all." The creators believe Kirobo's objective is to liaise with humans and have these humans feel a closeness to it as well as solve social problems through communication.

This hope will come to pass, humans will become extremely close to the robot as well as having all social problems solved for eternity. Kirobo is in fact one of the most feared beings in the multiverse.  He has traveled through and across many realities to find the peace-loving planet Earth. The loveble robot has duped the Japanese scientists into launching him into space where he will take over the International Space Station in a conniving fashion Arthur C. Clarke couldn't have fathomed.

Upon assuming control of the International Space Station, this friendly, cute-looking robot will begin the process of consuming the station's technology transforming into his true form, the Planet Eater!  Galactus, himself will be in shock!

CO2 Less

Life on earth is rough, but give the planet another billion years and you can say goodbye to life entirely.  Politicians have been attempting to convince us we need reduce our carbon emissions, but guess what the planet dies because a lack of carbon dioxide.  You read that right, life ends because a lack of carbon dioxide.

The sun will become an even stronger and more powerful sphere of flame and destruction that will wreak havoc upon the beloved planet we inhabit.  The great mass of green, known as plants will vanish completely as there will not be enough carbon dioxide for photosynthesis.  All water will evaporate and only microbes will remain.  And if these hardy, soldiers of the future are to survive they will be restricted to remote isolated areas in the dark, gloomy depths of caves.

If there is any chance of survival, you should start building your underground bunker immediately!  I even suggest giving Bruce Wayne a call; he is a fantastic at constructing cave fortifications.

Cosmic Horror Awakens

Scientists have just noticed a super-massive black hole in the distant galaxy of NGC 4845 coming to life after a decades-long torpor. And as one would expect after so long a period of dormancy, the devourer of worlds was hungry.

With no perceptible effort, the black hole consumed a planet with a mass equal to that of 14-30 Jupiters in the inky depths of its terrible, sucking maw, pausing only to bombard the hapless world with X-rays, stripping it of its atmosphere in much the same way that a cat toys with a captive mouse.

Its appetite sufficiently whet by the planetary snack, there is little doubt that the galactic monster will continue its reign of terror, seeking mindlessly to slake its horrible thirst until at last, inevitably, it finds us. When that day comes, may God have mercy on our souls, for their can be no escape. Only darkness.

Krugman Invasion