Shutdown of Demonic Proportions

The fear of what the sequester would produce has come to fruition!  The government of the great and mighty United States of America has closed its doors. Members of the political elite are panicking, unnerved by the shattering of their delusional reality.

They have begun spewing forth great terrors! Giant sandworms that feed on asphalt will begin consuming all of the major highways without the government to keep them in check.  This is just the latest unnerving prediction from those in Washington.  These reckless bureaucratic seers are completely off kilter as the only possible result of the shutting down of government will be the End.

The Great Demonic Lord Satan has been waiting for the God-fearing United States of America to shut down. Azazel and the demonic horde will begin spewing forth from the depths of Hell to begin enslaving the weak and lost. Arial and his dementors will descend on the last pockets of resistance to strike their souls from their bodies.

All will be lost.  The United States government has failed to deliver us from the complete and utter desolation at the hands of the Grim Harvester!

The British Science Avengers!

Jaan Tallinn, the Estonian software programmer and co-founder of Skype or soon to be known as the real life Nick Fury, has put together a super team of British scientists to develop a more complete list of all the existential threats as well as develop methods to boost resilience against the ones deemed more plausible.

The British Science Avengers, currently have their headquarters at The Cambridge Centre for the Study of Existential Risk. They are led by Lord Martin Rees of Ludlow a professor of cosmology and astrophysics. Other members of this super squad to combat the prophetic visions in Revelations and other world-ending events include Huw Price, a philosophy professor and former member on the Council of the Australian Academy of the Humanities, Stephen Hawking, a cosmologist and the most famous scientist living, and Lord Robert May, the past president of the Royal Society who focuses on infectious diseases and calculating the length of time left for the human race to survive such terrible plagues.

Cambridge Centre for the Study of Existential Risk

The British Science Avengers also have multiple arch-nemeses.  No, it won't be Loki or Thanos, but it could be Ultron as the experts have a deep seeded fear of intelligent computers turning hostile against their creators.  Other enemies include cyber terrorists such as Raoul Silva from Skyfall who could attack and decimate entire cities' power grids. Il Veltro will also make appearances dishing out devastating plagues such as drunk wasps who terrorize British citizens enjoying their summer!

The most fearsome villain the British Science Avengers will face is none other than Doom and Gloom.  Doom and Gloom, the ultimate super villain can not be stopped.  The British Science Avengers' only hope is to delay the day of reckoning, but our readers know the truth.

The End is Nigh!

The Shame Wars

Slut-Shaming is good! No its bad! Virgin-shaming is good! No that one is worse! Shaming in general is bad! Wait what am I saying?  What are we talking about?!?  Oh that's right the End is Nigh and all the sluts and virgins are going to die a painful and gruesome death just like the rest of humanity on this planet!

How will this inevitability come about?  Obviously a catastrophic war between the sluts and virgins!  The first attacks have already been launched and both sides are preparing for a full-scale invasion.  The virgins after lobbing their grenades have attempted to bunker down behind shields of glowing white purity, while the sluts are gearing up with foam fingers of paradise part of Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke's new designer line.

The chaos will be immeasurable and nothing will be left but the discarded remnants of a ruined planet!

Panspermia Exists!

The answer to the ultimate question of where life began has finally been answered. The Red Planet also known as Mars spawned all life on Earth! Steven Brenner of the Westheimer Institute for Science and Technology in Gainesville, Florida believes elements boron and molybdenum hitched a ride on a meteorite in a process known as panspermia to bring the fantastic gift of life to Earth.

Panspermia may be a great theory but every thinking man knows it is absolute bunk.  The Ancient Astronaut Theory is much more plausible.  Aliens arrived from not just Mars but throughout the universe in pyramidal shaped spacecraft to deliver the gift of life to the lowly planet of Earth.  Aliens not only gave life to earth but they also can take it away and that is exactly their plan.

The great experiment of life on Earth has run its course, the Space Invaders have found no practical use for any of the life on the planet especially those calling themselves homosapiens. The aliens have conceived a devious plan using the ideas of panspermia not to bring life but to exact death and spread a vicious, incurable plague that will cleanse the planet and wipe it clean, preparing it for the next test group!

End of the Weiner World

Anthony Weiner has done it! He has doomed humanity to its last generation. His amazing talent at seducing and luring women has created crazed females stopping nothing to get their hands on him.  The last time madness like this erupted anywhere on the planet was seen at a Justin Bieber concert.

Weiner has fomented so much hysteria; the streets of New York are erupting with women in their search to locate him.  All of those women you see running through the streets in wedding gowns are pursuing the god-like, Anthony Weiner. No other man can even measure up to Weiner’s success.

Birth rate levels will soon plummet even lower than they already are as women will no longer pursue any man, but Anthony Weiner. He has locked up victory in the pursuit of women and his mayoral race, but he has doomed mankind to oblivion.

De-extinction Devastation

Monsters from the furthest reaches of antiquity threaten to reemerge as the greatest danger ever faced by man!

Birth Rate Blues