Shutdown of Demonic Proportions

The fear of what the sequester would produce has come to fruition!  The government of the great and mighty United States of America has closed its doors. Members of the political elite are panicking, unnerved by the shattering of their delusional reality.

They have begun spewing forth great terrors! Giant sandworms that feed on asphalt will begin consuming all of the major highways without the government to keep them in check.  This is just the latest unnerving prediction from those in Washington.  These reckless bureaucratic seers are completely off kilter as the only possible result of the shutting down of government will be the End.

The Great Demonic Lord Satan has been waiting for the God-fearing United States of America to shut down. Azazel and the demonic horde will begin spewing forth from the depths of Hell to begin enslaving the weak and lost. Arial and his dementors will descend on the last pockets of resistance to strike their souls from their bodies.

All will be lost.  The United States government has failed to deliver us from the complete and utter desolation at the hands of the Grim Harvester!

Man vs the Volcano

Fearful scientists believe the supervolcano below Yellowstone National Park is larger than previously predicted.  This however, is scientists attempt to explain the actual increase in Mother Earth’s intense anger at the meddling scientists and frolicking tourists.  Those springs and geysers may seem harmless to idle tourists, even enjoyable to some, but do not doubt the tremendous anger hidden behind their placid demeanor.

Mother Earth has not unleashed her anger in over 640,000 years.  It has been slowly building and brewing as humans have trampled and mangled her poor, withered body.  The time is nigh where she will explode and destroy everything in her wake.  Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

This is Fracking Ridiculous

Sinkhole Scourge

Pluto's Gate Found

A portal to the Underworld has been unearthed in Turkey, as archeologists announce the rediscovery of Pluto's Gate. The cave is described by the ancient texts of Strabo as containing noxious vapors fatal  to all animal life.

With their foolish meddling, these so-called scientists have brought to light powers which they cannot possibly comprehend and, like Pandora before them, have unleashed terrors untold upon the world and its unhappy inhabitants.

No doubt the legions of Hell will be emerging shortly to ravage and devour us all. Repent, for the end is nigh.