The Doom That Creeps

Everything is bigger in Texas, so they say, which is unfortunate when it comes to things that can kill you.  One Houston neighborhood has been invaded by giant African land snails, a scary enough prospect even for those who want to keep a well-maintained garden.

But the devouring of garden herbs and vegetables is far from the most worrying aspect of these enormous cephalopods, Scientists have warned that the snails carry meningitis as well as other deadly parasites. That's right, these snails can kill. Indeed, they will kill, and without the slightest provocation.

Lock up your children (especially your slow-moving, dim-witted children) for few will be able to resist the deadly siren song of the giant snail, who once he ensnares you in his sticky, seductive mucus, will never let go until it is too late. These snails can lay up to 100 eggs a week, so by my calculations we have about three months before the whole country is overrun with them. We're gonna need a bigger salt shaker.