Death Star: The Beginning

The crafty minds of the Japanese have been perfecting a prototype space cannon to begin harvesting rare resources from asteroids. The mini asteroid pulverizer will fire its payload at two kilometers per second at a range of 100 meters. The cannon will be part of the Hayabusa 2 spacecraft which is scheduled to launch in December 2014.

The Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency (JAXA) hopes the satellite canon will reach its target destination by the summer of 2018, and return its journey to Earth in 2019 after it has completely harvested all essential materials from the asteroid labelled 1999 JU3.

Asteroids will not be the only target of this new super space weapon. Countries will begin heavily investing in this technology weaponizing their satellites in order to destroy their enemies communications and information networks. An all out arms race will develop with the technology becoming more and more powerful. Until the ultimate technological terror is born, the Death Star.

Witness the Beginning of the End. No one will be safe.

A Doom and Gloom Hero

There are many so-called heroes that oppose Doom and Gloom and these reputed champions were given immortality by fools like Herodotus, Homer and Virgil. Heroes such as Aeneid and Achilles vanquished many true believers and fighters for the cause of Doom and Gloom whose names were lost to oblivion. They were wiped from the histories never to even be thought of until the End finally comes.

Fortunately, the United States Government rises to the occasion to commemorate and immortalize a true champion of Doom and Gloom. On October 14th of every year, Christoper Columbus, the Ravager of Savages, is celebrated in all his unholy glory. Federal workers are given the day off so they can make their blessings and pilgrimages in his honor. Columbus deserves his accolades as he was able to destroy, conquer and wipe out entire indigenous populations just by arriving on their shores.

Columbus never even thought about lifting a weapon, for he knew he was the harbinger of disease. Christopher Columbus, brought Doom and Gloom to hundreds of thousands and earned his immortality as one of the greatest men in the history of the United States.

The Bloody Return of Kali

The old gods of India have been lurking in the shadows for far too long. The Goddess Kali has decided to return to glory in a bloody fashion and regain her role of preeminence. In her latest demand for ritual sacrifice, the goddess of destruction and rebirth, has summoned her faithful followers to draw the blood of their own newborn infants.

One of her devout followers heard her lust for blood. Rajkumar Chaurasia gave his infant son a bath before taking him to a Durga temple in order to prepare him for his journey into the goddess' arms. Upon returning from the Durga temple, Chaurasia brought his son into a room sanctified in the glory of Kali. He proceeded to take an axe to his son, fulfilling the Goddess' dark desire for the blood of the supreme innocents.

The Indian police quickly arrested Chaurasia, but Kali's wishes were fulfilled and the path to her bloody, glorious return has been paved. The subcontinent of India should be prepared for her wrath. The new Raktabija will be consumed just as the old were and Kali will once again dance on the corpses of the slain.

Medusa Resurrected

Photographer Nick Brandt just recently returned from a trip to Lake Natron in Northern Tanzania, where he captured images of calcified animals that had washed up on the shoreline.  Brandt believes the lake has a high soda and salt content as well as pH levels ranging from 9 to 10.5, which facilitated the calcification of the animals.

This is a decent hypothesis for one ignorant of ancient Greek mythology! The true cause for the calcification of these animals can only be caused by one of the most hideous and seductive creatures known to exist. The gorgon, Medusa.

She has returned despite having her head summarily chopped off by Perseus.  Returning to the land of the living unveils potentially new powers for the once-mortal gorgon.  Her powers could be limitless and thus her threat to humanity an even greater risk than ever, especially without demi-gods to save us!

Medusa has left her warnings for curious photographers like Nick Brandt to not approach any further or risk permanent petrification and an eternity in a gray oblivion.

Shutdown of Demonic Proportions

The fear of what the sequester would produce has come to fruition!  The government of the great and mighty United States of America has closed its doors. Members of the political elite are panicking, unnerved by the shattering of their delusional reality.

They have begun spewing forth great terrors! Giant sandworms that feed on asphalt will begin consuming all of the major highways without the government to keep them in check.  This is just the latest unnerving prediction from those in Washington.  These reckless bureaucratic seers are completely off kilter as the only possible result of the shutting down of government will be the End.

The Great Demonic Lord Satan has been waiting for the God-fearing United States of America to shut down. Azazel and the demonic horde will begin spewing forth from the depths of Hell to begin enslaving the weak and lost. Arial and his dementors will descend on the last pockets of resistance to strike their souls from their bodies.

All will be lost.  The United States government has failed to deliver us from the complete and utter desolation at the hands of the Grim Harvester!