Walk, Don't Run

Runners and running culture are a blight upon the face of the Earth. Do not let running destroy your life as it has destroyed so many others before.

The Most Important Election Ever!!

Remember, Remember the fifth of November!

November fifth has come and gone and with it election day in the United States. The after shocks of the election are already being felt with mourners dressed in the finest blacks piling up in the streets in droves. Their sobs can be heard thousands of miles away crying out in emotional pain over the loss of their dear candidates. Some of the more fervent supporters have seen the true gloom and lost all hope. They have warmly embraced Doom and Gloom by lighting themselves on fire to protest their tragic loss.

Those not completely destroyed both physically and emotionally by this latest election will have to survive another year where their end will finally come. Eventually there will only be one left to rule them all. All being what is left of the world after the horrendous elections take their toll on the surviving animals of Planet Earth.

May the Odds be Ever in Your Favor! The Elections are yours to lose!

Stay Safe and Trust No One!

Asteroid Armageddon

The great and world-saving body of the United Nations has spawned forth the International Asteroid Warning Group (IAWG). The supreme intellects at the UN have devised a 3 step plan to prevent the destruction of the planet!

First they intend to get the world prepared because as Rusty Schweickar, member of the Association of Space Explorers (ASE), explained "No government in the world today has explicitly assigned the responsibility for planetary protection to any of its agencies." Thus the United Nations is prepared to do this for all governments of the world!

The second bright idea the folks at the United Nations have thought up is actually finding the asteroids before they come crashing to Earth sending us all into oblivion! In order to discover the asteroids the International Asteroid Warning Group comes equipped with the Sentinel Space Telescope.

The asteroid-locating telescope comes courtesy of former NASA astronaut and founder of the B612 Foundation Ed Lu. In order to sell his giant telescope Lu ramped up the fear, pontificating, "There are 100 times more asteroids out there than we have found...there are about one million asteroids large enough to destroy New York City or larger."

Now what is a telescope finding the asteroids going to do about saving the planet from the pebbles of the Gods? Enter Part 3 of the magnificent Save Humanity from the Asteroids Plan! The IAWG will inform the U.N. Committee on the Peaceful Uses of Outer Space know humanity is about to go the way of the T-Rex. The committee's goal will be to attempt to coordinate international intervention to prevent all out destruction.

We here at Doom and Gloom wish the dutifully astute idiots at the United Nations good luck with preventing Asteroid Armageddon. What little hope there is will rest with the Texas deep core drillers led by Harry Stamper.

Stay Safe and Trust No One!!

Death Star: The Beginning

The crafty minds of the Japanese have been perfecting a prototype space cannon to begin harvesting rare resources from asteroids. The mini asteroid pulverizer will fire its payload at two kilometers per second at a range of 100 meters. The cannon will be part of the Hayabusa 2 spacecraft which is scheduled to launch in December 2014.

The Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency (JAXA) hopes the satellite canon will reach its target destination by the summer of 2018, and return its journey to Earth in 2019 after it has completely harvested all essential materials from the asteroid labelled 1999 JU3.

Asteroids will not be the only target of this new super space weapon. Countries will begin heavily investing in this technology weaponizing their satellites in order to destroy their enemies communications and information networks. An all out arms race will develop with the technology becoming more and more powerful. Until the ultimate technological terror is born, the Death Star.

Witness the Beginning of the End. No one will be safe.

A Doom and Gloom Hero

There are many so-called heroes that oppose Doom and Gloom and these reputed champions were given immortality by fools like Herodotus, Homer and Virgil. Heroes such as Aeneid and Achilles vanquished many true believers and fighters for the cause of Doom and Gloom whose names were lost to oblivion. They were wiped from the histories never to even be thought of until the End finally comes.

Fortunately, the United States Government rises to the occasion to commemorate and immortalize a true champion of Doom and Gloom. On October 14th of every year, Christoper Columbus, the Ravager of Savages, is celebrated in all his unholy glory. Federal workers are given the day off so they can make their blessings and pilgrimages in his honor. Columbus deserves his accolades as he was able to destroy, conquer and wipe out entire indigenous populations just by arriving on their shores.

Columbus never even thought about lifting a weapon, for he knew he was the harbinger of disease. Christopher Columbus, brought Doom and Gloom to hundreds of thousands and earned his immortality as one of the greatest men in the history of the United States.

The Bloody Return of Kali

The old gods of India have been lurking in the shadows for far too long. The Goddess Kali has decided to return to glory in a bloody fashion and regain her role of preeminence. In her latest demand for ritual sacrifice, the goddess of destruction and rebirth, has summoned her faithful followers to draw the blood of their own newborn infants.

One of her devout followers heard her lust for blood. Rajkumar Chaurasia gave his infant son a bath before taking him to a Durga temple in order to prepare him for his journey into the goddess' arms. Upon returning from the Durga temple, Chaurasia brought his son into a room sanctified in the glory of Kali. He proceeded to take an axe to his son, fulfilling the Goddess' dark desire for the blood of the supreme innocents.

The Indian police quickly arrested Chaurasia, but Kali's wishes were fulfilled and the path to her bloody, glorious return has been paved. The subcontinent of India should be prepared for her wrath. The new Raktabija will be consumed just as the old were and Kali will once again dance on the corpses of the slain.

Medusa Resurrected

Photographer Nick Brandt just recently returned from a trip to Lake Natron in Northern Tanzania, where he captured images of calcified animals that had washed up on the shoreline.  Brandt believes the lake has a high soda and salt content as well as pH levels ranging from 9 to 10.5, which facilitated the calcification of the animals.

This is a decent hypothesis for one ignorant of ancient Greek mythology! The true cause for the calcification of these animals can only be caused by one of the most hideous and seductive creatures known to exist. The gorgon, Medusa.

She has returned despite having her head summarily chopped off by Perseus.  Returning to the land of the living unveils potentially new powers for the once-mortal gorgon.  Her powers could be limitless and thus her threat to humanity an even greater risk than ever, especially without demi-gods to save us!

Medusa has left her warnings for curious photographers like Nick Brandt to not approach any further or risk permanent petrification and an eternity in a gray oblivion.