Panspermia Exists!

The answer to the ultimate question of where life began has finally been answered. The Red Planet also known as Mars spawned all life on Earth! Steven Brenner of the Westheimer Institute for Science and Technology in Gainesville, Florida believes elements boron and molybdenum hitched a ride on a meteorite in a process known as panspermia to bring the fantastic gift of life to Earth.

Panspermia may be a great theory but every thinking man knows it is absolute bunk.  The Ancient Astronaut Theory is much more plausible.  Aliens arrived from not just Mars but throughout the universe in pyramidal shaped spacecraft to deliver the gift of life to the lowly planet of Earth.  Aliens not only gave life to earth but they also can take it away and that is exactly their plan.

The great experiment of life on Earth has run its course, the Space Invaders have found no practical use for any of the life on the planet especially those calling themselves homosapiens. The aliens have conceived a devious plan using the ideas of panspermia not to bring life but to exact death and spread a vicious, incurable plague that will cleanse the planet and wipe it clean, preparing it for the next test group!

Cyriasly?

The End is coming quicker than previously predicted by Jeane Dixon, who peered into the future and saw Jesus returning to Earth in 2020 to defeat the Antichrist, Satan, and the False Prophet. Unfortunately, Jesus will be deprived of his great victory of destroying this unholy Trinity and ending the World.

Miley Cyrus has single-handedly initiated not only World War III but also the End Times. Her foam finger has pressed the forbidden red button and engaged a sequence that not even the Council on Foreign Relations could prevent! The war torn area known as Syria will be the first target in her reckless rampage. The slaughter will come through chemical weapons cleverly disguised as teddy bears. An idea she stole from Ra's al Ghul when he was attempting to poison Gotham! Regrettably for the citizens of Syria and the World there is no Batman to foil her sinister plot!

Stay Safe and Trust No One, especially cuddly Teddy Bears. You never know what could be in them!

Running with the Bulls? More like Culling the Fools!

El encierro has arrived state-side!  That's correct the running of the bulls usually found in the Spanish city of Pamplona and popularized in Ernest Hemingway's The Sun Also Rises, has managed to cross the Atlantic. The event will be held across the country on various dates from October to December to May completely forgoing and destroying the celebration of San Fermin which typically occurs between July 7th and 14th.

Forsaking the city's first bishop is the lesser of the crimes committed by the foul organizers of the event. The real crime involves their attempt to decimate the human population by marketing the event as fun and thrilling! They use the slogan Grab Life by the Horns, but the only life grabbed by the horns will be the one being slowly drained as a 1,000 lb bull spears you with his horn slowly letting life drip off his horns as he looks for his next willing victim.

If this event is allowed to continue and prosper the human race will face dire consequences!  The masterminds behind the event will reveal themselves and the supposed fictional race of the Minotaurs will rise up from the labyrinths in which they have been imprisoned to reign chaos and death upon those left surviving.

BunyonCare

The Minnesota government has gone insane!!  They are slandering the man, the myth, the legend Paul Bunyon and his trusty friend Babe the Blue Ox.  These cretins also known as bureaucrats are dressing up the rugged and healthy Paul Bunyon in bandages and putting his leg in a cast!  This is an absolute outrage!! Next these fools will be having Bunyon swinging his axe and hitting himself in order for them to get Minnesotans to register for the Obamacare health exchanges!

Unfortunately for the Minnesota bureaucrats and their $9 million ad buy, slandering Mr. Bunyon and Babe will have enormous consequences.  The man who created the Great Lakes so Babe would have a place to drink can just as easily fill them back in with his extraordinary lumbering skills.  Bunyon is an expert with his axe and not only chopping wood.  Whispers tell of his legendary prowess at chopping down the British, not to mention he has a 4700 lb giant ox for a friend that when whipped into a frenzy could flatten the Twin Cities in one charge.

Minnesotans better watch out because they have awoken the wrath of a sleeping giant!

Area 51 Confirmed!

The United States government in an unprecedented move has revealed the location of Area 51, Groom Lake, Nevada. The information was released to the National Security Archive at George Washington University in a report labeled "The Secret History of the U2". This document is an attempt to convey the site was only used for the development and deployment of the U2 aircraft.

Fortunately, we here at Doom and Gloom TV don't trust anyone especially the government!  They (the government) are apparently attempting to distract conspiracy theorists everywhere from the real purpose of Area 51. These bureaucratic fools even acknowledge the CIA only operated in the area for two years from July 25, 1955 to 1957 when they allowed the Air Force to take over operations.  And everyone who has seen Stargate understands the types of operations the Air Force performs in secret locations. That is correct Area 51 is really being used to travel to distant planets and galaxies bringing the iron fist of American Justice to the universe!  Unfortunately these schemes will create blowback and the only person able to prevent Anubis and the Goa'uld from enslaving humanity is Jack O'Neil, a fictional character.

Beings Among Us

There have been many rumors of aliens among us and a ton of footage of their vehicles in the sky, also known as U.F.O.s. We have been told lies that these are weather balloons or military training aircraft performing top secret exercises.  How absurd, the thousands of sightings and evidence prove otherwise. This latest sighting captured by Mario Vallejo in San Antonio is just one more piece to the already clear puzzle, that we are NOT alone on this planet!

The extraterrestrials have long infiltrated our planet.  They have been planning and plotting, bringing more of their kind to our world in small increments over the centuries.  They have penetrated our culture and government structures.  They tease us with movies about their existence and how they live among us from Close Encounters of the Third Kind to Men in Black.  These are attempts to placate us humans so we will be unsuspecting when their mother ship arrives to blow humanity to kingdom come much like in Independence Day.  There is no hope.  The aliens will claim Earth for their own and wipe the remnants of humanity into oblivion.

Stay Safe and Trust No One!

Kaiju Invasion

Archaeologists are at it again, but this time they are conducting research in the depths of the Gulf of Mexico. Researchers from Texas State University in San Marcos and Texas A&M Galveston have stumbled upon three shipwrecks dating from the early 19th century.  These so-called scientists believe the wrecks were caused by a giant storm.  This is an unlikely story as everyone knows global warming was not occurring then and thus there were no massive storms able to destroy these hardy ships.  One measuring 84 feet long and 26 feet wide.

A more likely explanation of these devastating attacks is from the Kaiju, creatures which share a dimensional portal with our world.  These massive reptilian creatures would have crushed the ships with one punch of their gargantuan hands or a deadly swipe with their lethal tails.  Fortunately, these were probably the only victims of the Kaiju attack at the time since our world was not yet ready for the taking.  Given recent calculations we will soon be inundated by these creatures, if only industrialization had not taken place we could have prevented this invasion of our beloved world and our untimely demise. Supposing we had giant robots to defeat these abominable creatures we could be saved!