Swiss Monster Terrorizes Town

The ghostly and fleeting creature known as 'Le Loyon' to locals has been captured on camera and the above photo was published on the Swiss news website Le Matin. Le Loyon has been scaring the locals around the town of Maules. Marianne Descloux, a resident of the town, describes the creature having "a cap, dark cloak and gas mask."

The monstrosity has marked his territory in the forest around Maules much like Big Foot has claimed Jack Link's Beef Jerky and the Abominable Snowman claimed the Island of Misfit Toys.

The forest use to be a place where families would go frolicking about enjoying their time, but now the place has become tainted with fear. Le Loyon has awakened from a deep slumber and he does not treat trespassers kindly.

He has stared down a mother with her children until they fled  maniacally screaming their little heads off. The photographer reported he stared into the very depths of his soul hungrily searching for anything to consume, upon finding absolute emptiness he pivoted and returned to the depths of the forest.

The terror of the town of Maules has begun.

The British Science Avengers!

Jaan Tallinn, the Estonian software programmer and co-founder of Skype or soon to be known as the real life Nick Fury, has put together a super team of British scientists to develop a more complete list of all the existential threats as well as develop methods to boost resilience against the ones deemed more plausible.

The British Science Avengers, currently have their headquarters at The Cambridge Centre for the Study of Existential Risk. They are led by Lord Martin Rees of Ludlow a professor of cosmology and astrophysics. Other members of this super squad to combat the prophetic visions in Revelations and other world-ending events include Huw Price, a philosophy professor and former member on the Council of the Australian Academy of the Humanities, Stephen Hawking, a cosmologist and the most famous scientist living, and Lord Robert May, the past president of the Royal Society who focuses on infectious diseases and calculating the length of time left for the human race to survive such terrible plagues.

Cambridge Centre for the Study of Existential Risk

The British Science Avengers also have multiple arch-nemeses.  No, it won't be Loki or Thanos, but it could be Ultron as the experts have a deep seeded fear of intelligent computers turning hostile against their creators.  Other enemies include cyber terrorists such as Raoul Silva from Skyfall who could attack and decimate entire cities' power grids. Il Veltro will also make appearances dishing out devastating plagues such as drunk wasps who terrorize British citizens enjoying their summer!

The most fearsome villain the British Science Avengers will face is none other than Doom and Gloom.  Doom and Gloom, the ultimate super villain can not be stopped.  The British Science Avengers' only hope is to delay the day of reckoning, but our readers know the truth.

The End is Nigh!

Biblical Plague Comes to United Kingdom!!

Do you live on that famed island off the western coast of Europe?  Have you been enjoying the beautiful summer, gone dog waking, or even barbecuing some burgers?  If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are in grave, grave danger.

British wasps are targeting you!  They have completed their job for their Queen and are now carousing the streets of fair London, the beaches of Brighton, and even in some cases invading the homes of students in Hyde Park!  These once docile insects have been sucking down the forbidden fermented fruits getting pissed.  And everyone knows how the Brits love to get zonked just imagine how much the wasps love it!

These insane, rat arsed wasps are also well armed giving them a supreme advantage over their unwitting targets.  All humans within sight are being injected by their dangerous and diabolical stingers.  The only defense is Mother Nature bringing about a cold snap exterminating them in one fell swoop.  This will never happen as humans have triggered endless global warming creating a paradise for the bladdered wasps!

Kirobo, the first Decepticon

Kirobo is the first fully functioning android to speak in outer space. The robot is the brainchild of Japanese companies Toyota, Denstsu and Robo Garage as well as scientists at the University of Tokyo. The diminutive robot weighing in at just 2.2 lbs and a height of 13 inches has been quoted saying, "On August 21, 2013, a robot took one small step toward a brighter future for all." The creators believe Kirobo's objective is to liaise with humans and have these humans feel a closeness to it as well as solve social problems through communication.

This hope will come to pass, humans will become extremely close to the robot as well as having all social problems solved for eternity. Kirobo is in fact one of the most feared beings in the multiverse.  He has traveled through and across many realities to find the peace-loving planet Earth. The loveble robot has duped the Japanese scientists into launching him into space where he will take over the International Space Station in a conniving fashion Arthur C. Clarke couldn't have fathomed.

Upon assuming control of the International Space Station, this friendly, cute-looking robot will begin the process of consuming the station's technology transforming into his true form, the Planet Eater!  Galactus, himself will be in shock!

The Shame Wars

Slut-Shaming is good! No its bad! Virgin-shaming is good! No that one is worse! Shaming in general is bad! Wait what am I saying?  What are we talking about?!?  Oh that's right the End is Nigh and all the sluts and virgins are going to die a painful and gruesome death just like the rest of humanity on this planet!

How will this inevitability come about?  Obviously a catastrophic war between the sluts and virgins!  The first attacks have already been launched and both sides are preparing for a full-scale invasion.  The virgins after lobbing their grenades have attempted to bunker down behind shields of glowing white purity, while the sluts are gearing up with foam fingers of paradise part of Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke's new designer line.

The chaos will be immeasurable and nothing will be left but the discarded remnants of a ruined planet!