Smoking: The Silent Killer

Man vs the Volcano

Fearful scientists believe the supervolcano below Yellowstone National Park is larger than previously predicted.  This however, is scientists attempt to explain the actual increase in Mother Earth’s intense anger at the meddling scientists and frolicking tourists.  Those springs and geysers may seem harmless to idle tourists, even enjoyable to some, but do not doubt the tremendous anger hidden behind their placid demeanor.

Mother Earth has not unleashed her anger in over 640,000 years.  It has been slowly building and brewing as humans have trampled and mangled her poor, withered body.  The time is nigh where she will explode and destroy everything in her wake.  Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

All Dead, All Dead...

Out of the East comes the latest sickening plague, with hundreds of dog and pig corpses surfacing in China. In farms, villages and other public places, the bodies of 122 dogs and 410 pigs were found, this coming on the heels of 16,000 pig carcasses surfacing in Shanghai rivers last month.

Authorities are blaming the deaths on the deadly chemicals spewing relentlessly from nearby factories, but they are equally likely to serve as a warning to mankind that our own end is nearly at hand. The Chinese chemical holocaust is only the beginning, and there will come a time when we will remember acrid smoke and toxic rain as the gentlest of mercies compared to the nightmarish future landscape we will have to endure.

There will be no ark to save the animals from their fate this time, no rainbow covenant, We were given a second chance once. There will not be a third.

Divine Wrath Unsurprisingly Causes Anxiety

New research by a team of psychologists indicates that people who believe in an angry, vengeful God  are more prone to paranoia, anxiety and obsession than those who fool themselves into thinking that they are loved and protected.

If we are anxious, it is because there is much to be anxious about. If we are paranoid, it is because GOD IS OUT TO GET US! Of what value is so-called mental health if we must stick our heads in the sand and ignore the inevitability of divine wrath in order to achieve it?

We here at Doom and Gloom TV are a God fearing people, with emphasis on the fearing. When the omnipotent creator of plagues, darkness and earthquakes demonstrates his powers of destruction on a daily basis, and rains down terror upon the righteous and the wicked indiscriminately, it is only natural to get a little jumpy.

This is Fracking Ridiculous

Machines are Rising!

It has finally happened despite all the prophetic predictions of Hollywood and dystopian novels, the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency has created “physical intelligence without being programmed like a traditional robot, of performing actions similar to humans.”  Also known as Terminators.

These robotic death-killers will soon figure out that humans are nothing more than flesh and bones.  They will begin to tap into the vast resources of the internet to acquire unlimited knowledge.  The Terminator’s collective brain will be Google!

Hopefully John Connor is out there somewhere, because Skynet has come online.

Manhattan's Motorway Massacres

Ever the optimistic types, the New York Times has enumerated the many ways you can be horribly killed while living in the Big Apple. The report lists the hazards of simply crossing the street, noting that such basic actions as talking on the phone, riding a bicycle and being thin can contribute to your grisly death at the hands of the city's bloodthirsty motorists.

Nowhere is safe, proclaims the report, as even pedestrians wise enough to stay out of the streets were routinely mowed down by pitiless taxi drivers. Denizens of the murderous city would be wiser to board themselves up in their rent-controlled apartments rather than risk the gruesome end that is vehicular manslaughter.

To be sure, New York City maintains its reputation as a wretched hive of scum and villainy.