Ever the optimistic types, the New York Times has enumerated the many ways you can be horribly killed while living in the Big Apple. The report lists the hazards of simply crossing the street, noting that such basic actions as talking on the phone, riding a bicycle and being thin can contribute to your grisly death at the hands of the city's bloodthirsty motorists.
Nowhere is safe, proclaims the report, as even pedestrians wise enough to stay out of the streets were routinely mowed down by pitiless taxi drivers. Denizens of the murderous city would be wiser to board themselves up in their rent-controlled apartments rather than risk the gruesome end that is vehicular manslaughter.
To be sure, New York City maintains its reputation as a wretched hive of scum and villainy.
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