Monday, April 22, 2013

The Spice Between Your Ears


Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, another threat has emerged from the most unlikely of places, the shadowy depths of America's spice cabinets. Teenagers across the country are swallowing cinnamon with such wild abandon that it is causing asphyxiation and lung scarring. With dozens of self-destructive teens already requiring medical care from this fad, it appears all but certain that this poisonous bark will soon replace arsenic and cyanide as the toxin of choice for malicious miscreants and maladjusted misanthropes.

Cinnamon is already ubiquitous in our culture, worming its wretched way into everything from oatmeal cookies to coffee to the fabled churros found south of the border. With so potent a toxin surrounding us on all sides, how long will it be before we are all destroyed by its exquisite, irresistible flavor?

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