Prophet of doom Ross Pomeroy has helpfully pointed out that there is no escape from the debilitating and ultimately fatal ravages of cancer. In his latest article, he enumerates the causes of this horrible, horrible inevitability. Here is a partial list to delight and terrify you.
Facebook
Wine
Catching a cold
Antiperspirants
French Fries
Oral Sex
Vitamin E Supplements
Red Food Dyes
Salty Soup
Hair Dyes
Mouthwash
Sun Tan Lotions
Pringles
X-rays
Moisturizers
Cell Phones
Talcum Powder
Red Meat
Alcoholic Beverages
Asbestos
Smoked Salmon
The Sun
Tobacco Products
Chloroform
Formaldehyde
Bubble Tea Tapioca Pearls
Microwave Popcorn Bags
Baby Shampoo
Sugar
Salt
Eggs
Corn
Coffee
Cheese
Butter
Bread
Bacon
Grapefruit
Vegetable Oils
Being Fat
Coca-Cola & Pepsi
Hot Dogs
Taking a Trip to Cancun
Stress
Male Hair-Loss Pills
Anal Sex
Buses
Artificial Sweeteners
Cholesterol-lowering Drugs
Bras
Household Cleaning Products
Air Fresheners
Aspirin
Chicken Meat
Health Supplements
Airport Scanners
Milk
Microwave Ovens
Fluoridated Water
Burnt Toast
Brushing your teeth poorly
Marijuana
Modern Life
You may now shut yourselves fearfully inside your flimsily constructed homes if you so wish, but it will make little difference, for escape is impossible.
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